Another competition is in the books and this one with way more advanced movements than anything I'd ever done before.
But the struggle in my head of why I do them is an ongoing one and hasn't gotten easier.
You see, I don't train, live, eat or supplement like an elite athlete. I've never been competitive in my life and don't have that natural engine inside me that creates a competitive drive. Yet I train hard, eat clean and when I show up to compete, I expect more of myself than an average day and I get embarrassed by the spectators as I struggle for every rep.
I secretly hope there will be people at my level so I'm not the only one shaking out a rep. I always feel like I need to tell my judge that I suck and am sorry he/she got stuck with me. I feel like I need to explain to my fellow competitors and spectators that while it is true I've been doing CF for two years that there are some things I've just never excelled at and that I probably shouldn't be in a competition that has those movements, yet when you sign up, you don't always know what the movements will be. So you suck it up and do what you can.
And so this competition was no different. My coach wouldn't let me back out. My team mates would encourage me to keep going. I PR'd every single lift, time and skill.
When I signed up for this year's competition, my plan was to compare myself to last year but there was no comparison.
The movements were triplicate of last years. Heavier weight, longer distances, more reps, more WODs.
Yet I did them. While I came in last place (again), this little non-athlete lifted, pulled, pushed, rowed, ran, and jumped more than ever in my life.
And while I don't feel like I should be competing on the same floor as some of those beasts, it makes me thankful to finish and know that I was on the floor with those beasts.
When others were too afraid to sign up, or didn't show up after registering or weren't able to for any reason, I did it. And survived....
It was good to show the Vegkid that working hard and finishing something you started is more important than winning. That you can struggle, shake, push, sweat, be embarrassed, and feel 1000 emotions but getting through something challenging even with people watching is a success. That you should always try because you don't know what you are capable of if you don't.
And most importantly that life isn't always easy. Things don't always come naturally and sometimes it takes everything you have just to finish a task but you do it anyway.
So that is what I did! Number 400 with a smile and I signed up for another....
Smack my head!!'